Anjay’s Story

Meet Anjay.

Story Told By His Mother, Emily.

Anjay was a sweet and very old soul. He had an intuitive sensitivity about him that made him stand out in a crowd. He was gentle and kind and needed lots of extra hugs and love from the time he was born. He was a mama’s boy and I loved that about him.  He loved our dog Frank more than anything. It was some form of security and friendship that he really thrived on. He loved riding skateboards and listening to music. He constantly had his earbuds in. He was introverted and very cautious about his surroundings. He loved unconventionally and supported his friends when they were going through struggles. 

Around age 13 I took him to a psychiatrist to get evaluated to see if his anxiety needed treatment or if he maybe just needed therapy. They dismissed his issues as a phase. As he approached 15, I became vaguely aware he was using Xanax for social anxiety. We had some in-depth conversations where he revealed that he felt “normal” on Xanax. After finding a psychiatrist that that recognized the need for medication, he reluctantly tried several different treatments and hated the side effects of all of them. He chose to self-medicate instead. I saw the signs and talked with him incessantly about the dangers and reiterated how special he was and how much I loved him. He would tell me that he tried all of the things that are supposed to make you happy, but none of them helped.

On January 2nd he came into my room and said “mom, I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I love you, you’re my mom and I don’t want you to worry. Everything is going to be okay” and he hugged me so tight, I cried. It was unusual for him to be affectionate at this point in his life. The next morning I found him in his bed unresponsive. The pain was and still is unbearable. According to his friends, he had no idea the pill he took was laced. He had his alarm set to start his first job the next morning.

He was just 17. My first born, my first love.